beaver butt vanilla ice cream?

So, I was watching David Letterman last night because Jamie Oliver was on. I adore him…in a innocent non-stalking kind of way. He is very much to the point, has an interest in making the world a better place AND he is a darn good chef.

He was talking about why knowing about the food you eat is important..and then he dropped the bomb….Food additives in vanilla ice cream… So what? We all know we eat additives, right? Why research them? The FDA approved them, right?

Well..the next few words caused me to pause mid chew. Yes. Mid chew.

“Did you know that there are beaver’s anal glands in vanilla ice cream?” Jamie asked with a smirk. A very smirky smirk.

I thought it was a joke. Turns out? It’s not. Apparently someone decided that beaver anal glands enhanced sweets, including vanilla ice cream and many raspberry products. The substance can be found on your ice cream as castoreum; if it is in a small enough amount it does not have to be listed.

Have a little Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla, folks……

Beaver’s butt might be bad enough but you regularly, happily eat other stuff that is as bad or worse. And with the sketchy disclosure and label laws you don’t have to be told.

more…

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(my questions begins with …who tried beaver anal glands as a food and found it helped their food taste better? How did the FDA think it was okay to use this product without regulating a rule that it should be listed on the ingredients? And… what about the chocolate ice cream? (do I really want to know?))

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This is a beaver’s anal gland. It is the source of Beaver Butt Juice, officially called Castoreum, used in foods, cigarettes, perfumes, chewing gum.

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Beaver Butt Juice is officially called Castoreum. Look for it under “Natural Flavor” in your favorite food that the FDA (21 CFR 182.50) places “No Restrictions” on since it is GRAS.  See if you recognize these sources:

  • Alcoholic & Non-Alcoholic beverages (doesn’t that cover most all beverages?);
  • Baked goods (Baked “bads”?);
  • Chewing gum (makes the flavor last longer?);
  • Frozen Dairy (the 32nd Flavor?);
  • Gelatin (there’s always room for Beaver Butt Juice dessert);
  • Puddings (smooth & creamy Beaver Butt Juice)
  • Gravies (to be ladled over your Beaver Butt Biscuits –see “Baked Goods”)
  • Meat Products (heaven only knows what THIS category includes!)
  • Hard Candies (trick or treat takes on a whole new meaning!)
  • Soft Candies (how sweet it is!)

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what else are they putting in our food?

testicle festival

“What?” When I saw this I had to look twice. I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I had to check it out. Come to find out there is one in Oakland, Nebraska, Missouri, Minnesota and all over. It seems that there is a festival to celebrate Turkey balls, Bull balls and even sheep balls.

I’ve heard of “rocky mountain oysters,” but haven’t tried them, but obviously they are a delight to some. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. I am guessing that “Elaina Bobbit” is employed at one of these.

Wikipedia….

A Testicle Festival is an event held at several small towns in which the featured activity is the consumption of testicles, usually battered and fried. The oldest such festival takes place in Byron, Illinois, and features turkey testicles. But similar festivals are held in Oakdale, California, Huntley, Illinois, and Missoula, Montana, some of which feature other types of testicles, such as the Oakdale festival, which features bull testicles.

….did they say…battered??? “ouch!”  I have heard women moan and complain about their monthly cycle. Let me tell you that when a man has large ‘testicles’ he often forgets and sits on them. Let me tell you from experience, it is not something you would want to experience.

(O_O) Testicle‑festival‑Oysters1.jpg  (“oh my”)

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Two Amish women are harvesting potatoes. One of the women has two potatoes in her hands. She looks at the other woman and says, “These potatoes remind me of my husband’s testicles.”

The other woman asks, “Are his testicles that big?”

“No,” she says with a sigh. “They’re that dirty.”

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The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “Aha!” said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the rightside… then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.

The doctor said, “How does that feel now?”

The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it. What did you do?”

The doctor replied “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.”

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A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him.

The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy faints.

The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, “What’s wrong with you?”

The small guy says, “Excuse me, but what did you say?”

The big dude looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said ‘Turn around’.”

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A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo (a cuddly toy which laughs when tickled) factory. The Personnel Manager explains her duties and tells her to report to work promptly at 8.00am.

The next day at 8.45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the Personnel Manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and starts sewing the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman and says “I am sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday, I said, your job is to give Elmo “two test tickles”.

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…………………………..ooops, somebody snipped here, stop eating.

hope your day is not “testy”

Christmas lights

We use to drive around and look at all the christmas light. But living in the country you have to drive pretty far, so with the gas prices what they are we haven’t done this for a couple of years. However when we go to town and go shopping we always seem to see somebody’s christmas lights on.

We always put up a christmas tree shape with our lights. You can see it nearly a mile away. Like a beacon or a light house lighting the way home. We always take the lights down after christmas, unlike some who leave them up all year.

I can remember as a kid we always decorated the yard with something, a santa or reindeer and always strung lights up around the house, it sort of puts ya in the christmas spirit. Which reminds me, we need to put up our outside lights (grinin’)

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I love Christmas Lights,
they remind me of politicians!
They all hang together,
half the suckers don’t work,
and the ones that do aren’t that bright!

 

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic.

 

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

 

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They’d been worn all week and needed the air.

 

It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita.
Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang…..
“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”

may all your bulbs burn bright

 

the Big City!

 

I have from time to time
got out on the highway
and gone
to the Big City!

I found things strange,
like talking to a menu,
they’d say, “Drive thru!”
They call it fast food
but it taste like
a big shitty!

At red lights,
People wash your windshield
then put a hand out
for a low five
‘never seen nothing like it
lands sake a live’
another red light spit sheen
raising my fist
“Don’t you dare spit!”
to late …
‘winshield spitty’

When a highway sits
like a parking lot
that’s when I say,
“I have had enough
of the big shitty!”

I can put my arms out
and practically touch
house to house
living on top of one another
crammed so close together
it’s a pity
the way they live
in the big shitty.

It smells like exhaust
and refried beans
every once in a while
I see a surviving tree
living in the big shitty.

I see a flock of pigeons
and it made me smile
finally reached the red light
I’ve been waiting on
for quite awhile.

Giving it the gas
as I leave
hauling ass
‘from’
the Big City!

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An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.

The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk.

The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building.

Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses’ exams. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied:

“Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!”

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A successful engineer flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!” So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the engineer, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The engineer thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The engineer got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked? “Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to go down on me (oral sex) during the way?” “What?! Get Out, out of my cab, you scum.” The engineer got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result – getting kicked out of each taxi.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabbie replied “fifteen bucks.”The engineer said “O.K.” and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the engineer gave a big smile and a big thumbs up.

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have a chuckle a day to keep the doctor away

 

a good ‘Hare’ day

 

 

I remember when I was a kid going to Amarillo Texas for christmas to visit with my grand parents. They lived way out in the country and we would run around the back 4o for a lack of anything better to do. We would spook up a rabbit and chase it. The funny thing was these rabbits only ran a little ways and then would stop. It was like they knew we couldn’t catch them. We would run till we couldn’t run any longer and the rabbits would simply watch us walk back to grandma’s tired.

My son raised a rabbit, his name was thumper because he would thump the ground, strangest thing. I think all rabbits do this like deer and horses paw the earth. I suppose my funniest and favorite recolection of rabbits come from the film, Bambi. Where thumper gets twitterpated. I still get twitterpated (grinin’)

Does any one out there remember ‘Hairy’ the six foot invisible rabbit? I still remember watching that when I was a kid. With Jimmy Stewart and his unique comedian way of acting, the funny thing is that wasn’t acting that was how he was in real life. And what was that christmas movie he was in?

… It’s a wonderful life!

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A married couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman’s biggest fear was there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and true to his word, he made contact with his wife.

“Mary…Mary….”

“Is that you Fred?”

“Yes, I have come back like we agreed.”

“What is it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex, I bask in the sun, then I have sex-twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. Supper, then sex till late at night. Sleep then start all over again.”

“Oh, Fred, you surely must be in heaven!”

“No, Mary, I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”

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One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, “I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight.”

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, “That pole is worth $45.” She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and he says, “This pole is worth $55.” she decided that was also really cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, “This pole is our best and it is $70.” she told him that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn’t matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, “It all comes up to $80.”

Confused the lady says to him, “But you said the fishing pole was only $70.”

He said, “It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.”

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I don’t think this was the 60′s … maybe the 70′s

now that’s one big bunny… and this is one scarey hare

………………………..now this easter bunny looks scarey……………..

……………………………………..well, I love tigers so I really liked this one

have a hare-raising day

 

the Pecker Inspector

 

 

Woody Woodrow
the Pecker Inspector
knows all there is to know
about peckers.
With his magnifying glass
bent over
with a pouched out ass.
Inspecting
the hard stiff wood
with his pointer
poking at the tiny hole.
Then demanding
another load.

Some say Woody
has a thing for peckers.
Been pecked himself
I suppose.
But to the head he leans and stares.
Gives the stiff wood
a glare.
Then his hands raised in the air.
“Hold the load”
he shouted “There.”
Pointed his finger at a hole.
Seeping, slimey, sappy, goo!
Drip down the hard wood.

A bunch of pecker heads
gathered round.
While Woody Woodrow
leaned way down,
inspecting.
Then he came
up in a gush.
“This pussy willow’s
been pecked by peckers.”
He reached in his coat
and pulled out a stamp
of black and yellow checkered

Woody ‘stamped’
the wood condemned
Then pushed his way through
the small crowd of workmen.
“Back to inspecting again?”
Woody had a rather big grin.
Walking towards a pile
of Double Decker’s
Woody Woodrow
the wood pecker
inspector.

 

by Art~

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Back when my mother had her first heart surgery, I went to stay with her for a few weeks, till she got healed. The neighbors house, down the road, was more a weekend house and it was winter/fall so nobody rarely came out. My mother was ordered to take little walks to heal and she saw a bunch of holes in the neighbors house and called the law, thinking ‘weekenders’ (city folk/ their mischivious as a coon on a full moon) had come and shot holes in this house.

 That’s usually what city folk do, come to the country, to shoot their fire-arms and they tend to have an itchy finger. Well, the sheriff shows up and laughs, it turns out that this wooden house had been attacked by a family of woodpeckers. This wooden house was riddled with holes. Wood peckers… they are as mischievious as them darn weekenders.

My step-father (god rest his soul) called them weekenders; tin canners/ cause they would come up on weekends with cases and cases of beer and sodas and just toss them where ever they wanted. On mondays when you went down river, you could pick up several dollars worth of aluminum cans left by the tin-canners (weekenders/ city folk) Trashy folk them weekenders, they make trailer park trash look like hollywood.

Most folk that live on the river only go out on week days when the river is calm, quiet and secluded. The weekend usually has a lot of city folk up for a weekend in the wild, driving like crazy in speed boats that go back and forth as fast as deer running across the road. It would be hard to enjoy the country scene driving by at lightening speeds. Sort of like driving through the mountains, looking out the window. A long walk in the woods is the best way to absorb nature; that’s my opinion of course.

Gotta go, some one is knocking on the door; aww it’s just a woodpecker (grinin’)

 

have a ‘tall-timber’ day

 

hunting for a chuckle

 “Look, nothing personal. I’m a pointer, I point and besides, I don’t like the taste of rabbit”

(this picture drawn by Art~)

 

One morning, a father and his young son were in the forest hunting rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown pellets, and the son said to his father, “Dad, what are those?”

The father replied, “Those are smart pills. Try a couple.” So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, “Ewww! Yuk! They taste like s**t.”

The father replied, “See, you’re getting smarter already.”

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A married couple went on a fishing trip. The husband went out on the lake with his boat and equipment, while the wife took a nap in the cabin. Later that afternoon, the husband returns to take a nap. So, the wife takes the boat to the middle of the lake, takes out a book and starts reading.

After a while a game warden comes along in his boat and tells her that she is in a restricted fishing area. She says that she is not fishing, just reading a book.

“But, you have all this fishing equipment, so I will have to fine you.” said the game warden.

She replied, “Do that, and I’ll have you arrested for rape.”

“But lady! I haven’t touched you!” exclaimed the game warden.

At which she replied, “Yes. But, YOU have all the right equipment.”

 

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A farmer was having problems with a bear climbing up his tree in the back yard, so he hired this guy who came very highly recommended to catch the bear.

The hunter came with a shotgun, rope, and a small dog. He gave the shotgun to the farmer and said, “Stay down here and I’ll climb the tree, and shake the branches. When the bear falls, my dog will bite on his nuts, and while the bear is in agony, I’ll come down and tie him up with the rope. Okay?”

The farmer nodded his head and asked, “But what is the shotgun for?”

The hunter replied, “Well, sometimes I fall off the tree. In that case, shoot the dog – fast!”

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