the gambler

 

I am not much on gambling. I have taken my wife to the casino in Louisiana a couple of times. She gets a chuckle from me getting excited when I win fifty dollars on the penny machine and call it quits. While her an her mother win 800.00 dollars on the fifty cent machine. I did win on the roulette wheel. Seems the odds are better and the dice table too. My problem is I don’t bet enough to win anything big. I watched the lady next to me betting one hundred dollars each time the ball went flying and she would win something or another,

As for the casino, my wife and I went there on our Honey Moon. We gambled till about mid-night, went back to the room and dabbled in sparkling wine and strawberries which amazingly is a good combination. I generally don’t drink, I am always the designated driver when we go out with friends. But it was our Honey Moon and we were in for the night. Then we decided to shower. She got in first then I went in and showered with her. Some where in their the faucet handle got broke. I say she did it, she says I did it, but the bottom line was, we could not turn off the water and could not find the valve to turn it off. Hot water just kept pouring out.

I went to the front desk and explained that it just broke. Don’t know how (grin) and they said they would send some one as soon as possible. It was about 20 minutes later a man came knocking on the door. “Maintenance,” so he goes in and he could not get the water to turn off either. He calls his boss who said he would come right over. 20 minutes later another man shows up and now it is well over an hour. I explain that I am on my honey moon and would like this fixed fast or another room. Well it was valentines day weekend and there were no other rooms available. So they call another maintenance man and he comes over and eventually, (2 1/2 hours later) they finally go into the wall and turn the water off. I now go around saying that my wife is the only woman I know that had to have 4 men in the Motel room on her honey moon. (grin)

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A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, tells the teller that she has $5,000,000.00 in cash to be used to open an account. However, before she just hands over that much money, she would like to meet the man who runs things.

The teller calls the bank president, and arranges the meeting. The lady goes into his office, and after introductions are made, the bank president asks the lady how she came to have so much cash on hand.

The lady tells him that she’s an avid gambler. The bank president says “You must be the luckiest person that I’ve ever met, to win so much!” “No” replies the lady, “I will only bet on a sure thing, and since I am somewhat gifted with the ability to see the future, ALL of my bets are sure things.”

The bank president smiles and says “No, it must be luck madam. There is no such thing as a sure thing”. “I’ll prove it!” says the lady. She then closes her eyes and starts to hum softly for about 30 seconds. “O.K…I have looked into your future and I’m afraid there’s bad news. By 8:00 a.m tomorrow, your testicles will have changed shape and will be perfectly square.”

The bank president is starting to think this lady is nuts, so he tells her that he has no more time for this malarkey and he would like for her to leave. The lady refuses, and proposes a wager. The man declines until the old lady says “Look, I’ll bet you $5,000.00 that by 8:00 tomorrow morning, your testicles will be square! What have you got to lose? You claim I can’t win – there’s no such thing as A sure thing…right?” By this the bank pres. is really starting to dislike this old broad, and not only would he enjoy teaching her a lesson, he could use the $5K. “O.K fine!” he yells “You got a bet!”.

“Wonderful!” proclaims the lady, “I’ll see you 1st thing tomorrow. Do you mind if my attorney accompanies me? I always have him present for wagers over $500.00.” The man replies “Lady, I don’t care who you bring, as long as you bring the money!”

That night the bank president has some strange dreams, and what the lady said is really starting to get to him. The next morning, he’s greatly relieved to see that everything is the same shape as always. He dresses, and goes to the bank where he finds the lady and a man waiting for him.

“Well” says the lady, “Do you want to have the money deposited into my new account, or do you have cash?”

The bank pres. smiles and replies “I feel bad doing this, but nutty old dames like you need to be taught a lesson sometimes, and I know that you can afford it, so it is you that must pay. You see, my testicles are the same shape they’ve always been. Not the slightest bit square.” “What!” cries the lady, “That can’t be!! I never imagined that it would come to this, but I won’t pay one cent until I’ve examined the testicles myself!”

The bank pres. blushes with embarrassment, but finally replies “Under the circumstances, I suppose that’s not unreasonable” and with that he drops his pants. The lady gets on her knees to grasp him, and her attorney screams “DAMMIT YOU OLD BAT!! YOU’VE DONE IT TO ME AGAIN!!” and he hands her $15,000.00 in cash.

At this point the bank president is completely lost. “What in the hell was that all about?” he asks. “Oh,” says the lady as she carefully puts the money into her bag “I bet him that I would literally have the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls before 9:00 this morning. So here’s the $5,000.00 that I lost to you, and please add the other $10,000.00 to my new account”

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“This reads; DECISION MAKING…When decisions are not based on information, it is called gambling.”

have a quality day

 

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