A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog:
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?”
Rancher: “This dog don’t talk!”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin alright”
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)”
Cowboy: “How’s he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good.” He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Rancher: “Horses don’t talk!”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it goin?”
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at rancher)
Cowboy: “How’s he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking.” He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.”
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?”
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)…… “Th-Th-Them sheep ain’t nothin but liars!!!”
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.
The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. “Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot – I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “Okay, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”
The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.” The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, “Oh my God, I was riding the mare!”
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, “That new bull nearly did me in today, pardner.” “Oh yeah, what happened?” asked the other cowboy.
“I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!” replied the first cowboy.
“So, how’d you get away?” asked the other cowboy.
“The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over,” replied the first cowboy.
“Man, that’s scary! If it’d been me, I would probably have crapped all over the place,” remarked the second cowboy.
The first cowboy replied, “I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?”
have a fun day pokin’