the Big City!

 

I have from time to time
got out on the highway
and gone
to the Big City!

I found things strange,
like talking to a menu,
they’d say, “Drive thru!”
They call it fast food
but it taste like
a big shitty!

At red lights,
People wash your windshield
then put a hand out
for a low five
‘never seen nothing like it
lands sake a live’
another red light spit sheen
raising my fist
“Don’t you dare spit!”
to late …
‘winshield spitty’

When a highway sits
like a parking lot
that’s when I say,
“I have had enough
of the big shitty!”

I can put my arms out
and practically touch
house to house
living on top of one another
crammed so close together
it’s a pity
the way they live
in the big shitty.

It smells like exhaust
and refried beans
every once in a while
I see a surviving tree
living in the big shitty.

I see a flock of pigeons
and it made me smile
finally reached the red light
I’ve been waiting on
for quite awhile.

Giving it the gas
as I leave
hauling ass
‘from’
the Big City!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.

The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk.

The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape,and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building.

Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses’ exams. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied:

“Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A successful engineer flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!” So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the engineer, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The engineer thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The engineer got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked? “Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to go down on me (oral sex) during the way?” “What?! Get Out, out of my cab, you scum.” The engineer got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result – getting kicked out of each taxi.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabbie replied “fifteen bucks.”The engineer said “O.K.” and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the engineer gave a big smile and a big thumbs up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have a chuckle a day to keep the doctor away

 

Advertisements

One response to “the Big City!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s