Turkey Day

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be Thankful

Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving

Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving
But I just couldn’t sleep 
I tried counting backwards, 
I tried counting sheep. 

The leftovers beckoned – 
The dark meat and white 
But I fought the temptation 
With all of my might 

Tossing and turning 
With anticipation 
The thought of a snack 
Became infatuation. 

So, I raced to the kitchen, 
Flung open the door 
And gazed at the fridge, 
Full of goodies galore. 

Gobbled up turkey 
And buttered potatoes, 
Pickles and carrots, 
Beans and tomatoes. 

I felt myself swelling 
So plump and so round, 
‘Til all of a sudden, 
I rose off the ground. 

I crashed through the ceiling, 
Floating into the sky 
With a mouthful of pudding 
And a handful of pie. 

But, I managed to yell 
As i soared past the trees…. 
Happy eating to all – 
Pass the cranberries, please. 

May your stuffing be tasty, 
May your turkey be plump. 
May your potatoes ‘n gravy 
Have nary a lump, 

May your yams be delicious 
May your pies take the prize, 
May your thanksgiving dinner 
Stay off of your thighs. 

Happy Turkey Day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

happy thanks giving

 

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4 responses to “Turkey Day

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