the bar

BARS…When I was younger it was a place to hang out with friends and pass the time. I am older now and don’t drink. I spend my time with my family. When we do go out with friends I am always the designated driver. Dancing and listening to music. I have been in four bands and hav spent my share of time in smoke filled bars. I have seen some pretty crazy stuff. People drink till they are bent over the trash can.

I have to say though I’ve seen alot, I have never seen what I saw on, “American Pie…the naked mile” men standing on the bar swinging their things at ping pong balls in a competition to see who can hit it the furthest.

If you haven’t read the blog post, Peanut the Beer Drinking Donkey (one of the first posts on this blog) I recommend it.

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A man goes into a bar and sees a pile of cash on a table beneath a big sign that reads “$2,000 Cash Prize! See bartender for details.” Keeping one eye on the stack of money, the man goes over and asks the bartender what he has to do to win the prize.

“You have to do three things and its all yours,” the bartender says.

“Just three things?” the guy asks, rubbing his hands now and practically salivating at the thought of walking out of the bar $2,000 richer. “What are the three things?”

“Well,” the bartender says, “first you have to go over to that 200-pound bouncer and knock him out. After that, I’ve got a mean-tempered pitbull in the backroom who needs a tooth pulled. Then you have to go and f**k the 80-year-old lady who lives upstairs.”

“No problem,” the guy says. He struts over to the bouncer and says, “Hey pal your shoelace is untied.” When the bouncer looks down at his shoes, the man flattens him with a single, solid uppercut.

Next he heads to the back room where the pitbull is housed. The bartender can hear a tremendous commotion from the back room–it sounds like the pitbull has gone crazy.

After a few minutes the man emerges from the backroom, quite bloody and cut up and breathing heavily.

“Okay,” he says, “where’s the old broad that needs her tooth pulled??

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A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.

“I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up, “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

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I have often wondered why they coin the word “suck” as a bad thing, (grinin)

have a wonderful day

 

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