My wife always  insisted that I accompany her on her trips to do the shopping. But, just yesterday she received a letter from her favorite store that read:

Dear Mrs. Zendictive

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store and we can no longer tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban him from our store. Your patronage is much appreciated and you, Mrs. Zendictive are most welcome to shop with us but due to the following circumstances we can no longer allow your husband, Mr. Zendictive to shop in our facility. The following instances were caught on our security video surveillance cameras.

On June 15th; He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other peoples shopping carts when they were not looking.

July 2nd: He set all the alarm clocks in our House ware section to go off in five minute intervals.

July 7th: He took a can of tomato juice and made a trail leading from the women’s restroom that went down several Ilse in our store.

July 19th: He walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away, this cause the employee to leave her assigned station and received a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance and causing management to lose time, costing the company money.

Aug 4th; He went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

Aug 15th: He pitched a tent in the camping area of the sporting goods department and told the children of shoppers that they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets with them from the bedding department, to which 20 children obliged.

Aug 23 rd: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people leave me alone.” The EMTs were called.

Sept 5th: He looked right into the security cameras and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

Sept 11th: While handling firearms in the hunting dept. he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.

Sept 27th: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming, “the mission impossible” theme song.

Oct 6th; In the auto department, he practiced his Madonna look by using different size funnels.

Oct 18th : He hid in the clothing rack and when people browsed through, he would say, “pick me, pick me.”

Oct 29th : When an announcement would come over the loud speaker, he would assume the fetal position and say, “Oh No, it is those voices again.”

Nov 3 rd: He took a box of condoms up to the check out clerk and asked her where the fitting room was.

Nov 14th : He went into the fitting rooms and began yelling out very loudly, “Hey, there’s no toilet paper in here!” One of the clerks passed out. The EMTs were called.

So you see Mrs. Zendictive, we can not allow this type of behavior to continue so we are forced to ban Mr. Zendictive from our store. We hope that you will understand our position and continue to shop with us but please leave your husband at home.

Thank You, Store Management, Mr. Wantsome


I suppose that means I don’t have to go with her on black Friday or any other day for the holiday shopping (grin) of course you know this was all made up (right… RIGHT?)

have a fun day shopping (grin)


4 responses to “Shopping

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