On the way to the store yesterday, the kids start asking about how old they have to be to date. They are eight and eleven. My wife tells the boy (her son- my step son) he can date at sixteen, when he can drive. She tells my little girl, that she can start dating when she is 30.
Of course my lil girl barks, “That ain’t fair.” My wife tells her she may reconsider if she got a Chastity belt. Of course my lil girls asks, “What is a chastity belt?”
I reply, “It is like a karate belt only made of metal.” She is quiet for a few moments then speaks up.
“What kind of karate do I have to do to earn a metal belt?” My wife and I laughed for awhile over that one. Once we get to the store and we are nearly done shopping, my wife tells me to go to the check out line, that she will meet us there. She needed to go and “pick up some plugs” (female hygiene product).
My lil girl asks, “Why does mommy need some bugs?” I laughed and told her she said, “Plugs!”
“Well. Why does she need plugs?” She asked. I told her they were like my ear plugs I use at work. She was content for a few minutes and then started asking more questions. That was when I said, “Oh, look… Christmas movies on sale.” It worked. I realized that her inquisitive little mind is working over time at her age.
and for my age… if you wear a Chastity belt and have to go to the bathroom? What do you do?
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend – “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade.”
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight’s best friend.
He yelss – “Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!”
King Arthur was in Merlin’s work shop where Merlin was showing off his latest invention to King Arthur. It was a chastity belt except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it generally useless.
“This is no good Merlin,” King Arthur stated. “Look at this large hole in the front. This will not protect my Queen while I am gone on a long quest.”
“Ah sire, but your lady will need to relieve herself while you are gone for long periods of time so I have made it where she can do so and watch this…” Merlin took an old and discarded wand from a table and placed it in the hole in the front of the chastity belt and a small guillotine blade came down and chopped the wand in half.
“This is perfect,” said Arthur and after placing Guenevere in the belt he then kissed her and went on a rather long quest, feeling his lady would be safe from loosing her honor.
A year later, King Arthur returned from his long quest to Camelot. He called for all his knights to assemble and had them disrobe to check their short swords. All the knights were either amputated or disfigured in some way except for Sir Galahad.
“Sir Galahad, you are my one true knight. Only you of all the noble knights have been true to your king and Queen. I shall grant you any wish. Just tell me what you wish and I shall see it fulfilled.”
With this, King Arthur soon learned that Sir Galahad had no tongue in which to speak with.