“I might be old, but I am not dead!”

Old folk are as cute as little infants and just as much care is needed in caring for them. If you think about it there are a large number of day cares and a large number of senior citizen housing. I suppose the place for those in-between would be the bar?

I was watching the news last night and they claim that humans will be living ten-twenty years longer than average with the medical field advances in technology and health care. So if the retirement home industry is full it would be wise to invest in a senior citizen housing community.

I had a friend who worked at a home in another state and they told me the biggest problem they have is keeping these old timers apart. In other words they are worse than rabbits. They may not be able to remember their names but they haven’t forgotten how to … bumb the booty!

I have joked in the past that I wouldn’t mind going to heaven by way of intercourse but of course that would make it difficult for the wife. So, that is out. But I can only imagine working at one of these places and having to constantly tell them, “when your done… take your meds!” or… “Dinner time… oh, I see your already eating sausage, with-out your teeth I hope.” or.. “when ya’ll are done be sure to take a bath” or “save water bathe with a friend.”

What is the old saying? “I might be old, but I am not dead!”

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 A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, “What are you lining up for, dear?” Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

“Mmm, sounds lovely,” said Grandma. “I think I’ll have some myself,” she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. “But you’re so old… how do you do it?”

Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s quite easy, sonny… I just remove my dentures and suck ’em dry!”

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Never pass a bathroom

don’t waste a hard-on

and never trust a fart

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A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck ….This was your Grandma’s idea.”

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An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”

The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”

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have a comical day

 

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2 responses to ““I might be old, but I am not dead!”

  1. Art, I was looking for your email address (found it, am emailing my physical address to receive woodburning of the Mama and Baby Penguins) when I found this little “side” post of yours! I am laughing too much to type much! My husband is already using some of these on me (like you, as I have mentioned, I have a younger spouse! Lucky us, huh?)

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