beaver butt vanilla ice cream?

So, I was watching David Letterman last night because Jamie Oliver was on. I adore him…in a innocent non-stalking kind of way. He is very much to the point, has an interest in making the world a better place AND he is a darn good chef.

He was talking about why knowing about the food you eat is important..and then he dropped the bomb….Food additives in vanilla ice cream… So what? We all know we eat additives, right? Why research them? The FDA approved them, right?

Well..the next few words caused me to pause mid chew. Yes. Mid chew.

“Did you know that there are beaver’s anal glands in vanilla ice cream?” Jamie asked with a smirk. A very smirky smirk.

I thought it was a joke. Turns out? It’s not. Apparently someone decided that beaver anal glands enhanced sweets, including vanilla ice cream and many raspberry products. The substance can be found on your ice cream as castoreum; if it is in a small enough amount it does not have to be listed.

Have a little Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla, folks……

Beaver’s butt might be bad enough but you regularly, happily eat other stuff that is as bad or worse. And with the sketchy disclosure and label laws you don’t have to be told.

more…

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(my questions begins with …who tried beaver anal glands as a food and found it helped their food taste better? How did the FDA think it was okay to use this product without regulating a rule that it should be listed on the ingredients? And… what about the chocolate ice cream? (do I really want to know?))

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This is a beaver’s anal gland. It is the source of Beaver Butt Juice, officially called Castoreum, used in foods, cigarettes, perfumes, chewing gum.

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Beaver Butt Juice is officially called Castoreum. Look for it under “Natural Flavor” in your favorite food that the FDA (21 CFR 182.50) places “No Restrictions” on since it is GRAS.  See if you recognize these sources:

  • Alcoholic & Non-Alcoholic beverages (doesn’t that cover most all beverages?);
  • Baked goods (Baked “bads”?);
  • Chewing gum (makes the flavor last longer?);
  • Frozen Dairy (the 32nd Flavor?);
  • Gelatin (there’s always room for Beaver Butt Juice dessert);
  • Puddings (smooth & creamy Beaver Butt Juice)
  • Gravies (to be ladled over your Beaver Butt Biscuits –see “Baked Goods”)
  • Meat Products (heaven only knows what THIS category includes!)
  • Hard Candies (trick or treat takes on a whole new meaning!)
  • Soft Candies (how sweet it is!)

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what else are they putting in our food?

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testicle festival

“What?” When I saw this I had to look twice. I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I had to check it out. Come to find out there is one in Oakland, Nebraska, Missouri, Minnesota and all over. It seems that there is a festival to celebrate Turkey balls, Bull balls and even sheep balls.

I’ve heard of “rocky mountain oysters,” but haven’t tried them, but obviously they are a delight to some. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. I am guessing that “Elaina Bobbit” is employed at one of these.

Wikipedia….

A Testicle Festival is an event held at several small towns in which the featured activity is the consumption of testicles, usually battered and fried. The oldest such festival takes place in Byron, Illinois, and features turkey testicles. But similar festivals are held in Oakdale, California, Huntley, Illinois, and Missoula, Montana, some of which feature other types of testicles, such as the Oakdale festival, which features bull testicles.

….did they say…battered??? “ouch!”  I have heard women moan and complain about their monthly cycle. Let me tell you that when a man has large ‘testicles’ he often forgets and sits on them. Let me tell you from experience, it is not something you would want to experience.

(O_O) Testicle‑festival‑Oysters1.jpg  (“oh my”)

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Two Amish women are harvesting potatoes. One of the women has two potatoes in her hands. She looks at the other woman and says, “These potatoes remind me of my husband’s testicles.”

The other woman asks, “Are his testicles that big?”

“No,” she says with a sigh. “They’re that dirty.”

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The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. “Aha!” mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. “Aha!” said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the rightside… then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.

The doctor said, “How does that feel now?”

The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it. What did you do?”

The doctor replied “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.”

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A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him.

The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy faints.

The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, “What’s wrong with you?”

The small guy says, “Excuse me, but what did you say?”

The big dude looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said ‘Turn around’.”

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A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo (a cuddly toy which laughs when tickled) factory. The Personnel Manager explains her duties and tells her to report to work promptly at 8.00am.

The next day at 8.45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the Personnel Manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and starts sewing the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman and says “I am sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday, I said, your job is to give Elmo “two test tickles”.

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…………………………..ooops, somebody snipped here, stop eating.

hope your day is not “testy”

Egg Nog

Growing up, I was told that Egg Nog was good for the noggin’ but when we drank too much we got a head ache. I have never been a fan of egg nog but always seem to sip a little when offered.

If you see a fat man …
Who’s jolly and cute,
wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit,
and if he is chuckling
and laughing away,
while flying around
in a miniature sleigh
with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,
then lets face it…

Your eggnog’s too strong!!!

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NyQuil comes in two colors, red and green. It’s the only thing on the planet that tastes like… red and green! And red and green are what? Christmas colors! That’s right, NyQuil makes a dandy eggnog. Oh yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, “This tastes like s**t!” But at the end of it, we had a fun sleepover.  Lewis Black

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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?”
Christmas Santa
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened.”

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enjoy your day

 

older is wiser

we were talking during our thanksgiving meal and several were saying that they now have grey hair. We are family and remembering back when we were younger. The topic came up that grey hair is a sign of wisdom. The elderly are blessed with knowledge they have obtained through the years. Of course that brought up the question, “what happens after the grey hair falls out and your a bald old man?” Perhaps they lost their wisdom?

On the way to the thanksgiving meal we saw several houses that had more cars than a wal-mart parking lot. They must be having a really big gathering. I told my wife; “Hey, lets pull in and say that we are Aunt Betty and Uncle Bob, we should be able to get a free meal,” of course my wife didn’t think it was as funny as Idid. I hope every one had a great thanksgiving feast. (~_~)

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An elderly couple, she was 85, he was 90, decided that they would take advantage of modern science to conceive another child. They discussed it with a fertility expert who said it was indeed possible. The doctor gave the couple a jar and asked them to return a semen sample the next day.

The next day, the couple presented the doctor with an empty jar. The husband apologized, “I tried my right hand…I tried my left hand…My wife tried her right hand…My wife tried her left hand. She took her teeth out and used her mouth. We still couldn’t get the lid off the jar.”

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An elderly couple was driving cross-country, the woman was driving.

She gets pulled over by the highway patrol

The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”

The woman turns to her husband and asks “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”

The patrolman says, “May I see your license?”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.”

The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there one, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had.”

The woman turns to her husband and asks “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU.”

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

have a great day

 

Turkey Day

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

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Be Thankful

Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving

Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving
But I just couldn’t sleep 
I tried counting backwards, 
I tried counting sheep. 

The leftovers beckoned – 
The dark meat and white 
But I fought the temptation 
With all of my might 

Tossing and turning 
With anticipation 
The thought of a snack 
Became infatuation. 

So, I raced to the kitchen, 
Flung open the door 
And gazed at the fridge, 
Full of goodies galore. 

Gobbled up turkey 
And buttered potatoes, 
Pickles and carrots, 
Beans and tomatoes. 

I felt myself swelling 
So plump and so round, 
‘Til all of a sudden, 
I rose off the ground. 

I crashed through the ceiling, 
Floating into the sky 
With a mouthful of pudding 
And a handful of pie. 

But, I managed to yell 
As i soared past the trees…. 
Happy eating to all – 
Pass the cranberries, please. 

May your stuffing be tasty, 
May your turkey be plump. 
May your potatoes ‘n gravy 
Have nary a lump, 

May your yams be delicious 
May your pies take the prize, 
May your thanksgiving dinner 
Stay off of your thighs. 

Happy Turkey Day

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A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,”

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

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happy thanks giving

 

cannibals

Well, I’ve eaten a lot of things before, cat tacos, snails, chocolate covered grasshoppers but I don’t believe I have never eaten a man. I am not a cannibal, I have however, eaten a woman. Yummy. I don’t know where cannibals live now a days. I did hear ‘Coach’ on Survivor claims he was taken by cannibals and lived to tell about it. This was hard to believe but they did ask him to tell the story on the show and he is insistant that this happened. So, todays topic for humor is ‘Cannibals’, I found some humor while fishing for chuckles.

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Two cannibals are eating a man, one starting from the head the other from the feet.

A few minutes into their feast the one who started from the head says to the one who started at the feet,”How’s it going down their?”.

The other answers,”I’m having a ball!”.

To which the answer is,”Slow down you’re going to fast!”

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Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.”

The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do you use?”

The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they’re sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

“Ah, ha!” the second cannibal replies. “No wonder … those are friars!”

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An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, “You betcha!”

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, “We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi.”

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, “Did you eat their legs?”

The chief replied, “We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi.”

Another rescuer asked, “Did you eat their arms?”

The Chief replied, “We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi.”

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, “Did you…you know…eat, their…’things’?”

The chief says, “No.”

“No?” asked the rescuer.

“No,” replied the Chief, “THINGS go better with Coke.”

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I dreamed that I was a muffler. When I woke up I was exhausted.

the jokes on them Margaret, I just took one hellacious shit

have a great day but beware of cannibals

 

the funny bone

I don’t know why they call it a funny bone. The bone at the elbow, the one that always seems to get hit. I have never felt that it was humorous when I hit this bone. In fact, it hurts. The only thing funny about it is when someone else hits their funny bone and I get to say, that’s funny.

Now they have the nerve to tell me it is actually a nerve, not a bone at all. You know, it still doesn’t make it funny. How is it we find humor when others injure themselves. You know, I am as guilty as the next. They build entire movie plots around somebody getting hurt in order to make you laugh. Now that is food for thought.

LOOK; they have us eating our funny bones, is that cannibalistic? You and I know that this is made from flour and sugar, but they pinned it with a name from the human anatomy. This makes it more desirable? Now that is food for thought/ or rather food for someone who likes the idea of eating other people, (which is not always a bad thing, depending on what part of the anatomy we place our mouths) So, does it make it any better to say, “I eat at the Y. Hey the YMCA has a buffet today! Breasts, thighs and a funny bone.”

Here’s another one for you, HOT DOGS. Now who in their right mind (not intending to offend our Asian brothers and sisters) would eat a dog. Yet, people actually line up to eat, HOT DOGS.

I had cat tacos once. I worked in California with some crop dusters and we went over the tahachipi mountains to Mohave. We were on the runway (airstrip) when this old Hispanic woman came riding up on her bike/ food cart. I was hungry and ordered two tacos, while the pilot and hanger crew said they were not hungry, which I found was odd since they just got through saying they were hungry. Well I was starved and ate the two tacos faster than a car can loose its tires in the hood. The crew was laughing and told me they were cat tacos. I thought the hamburger seemed strange but well seasoned. I asked the woman what kind of meat she used and she replied, “Ga to!” Mexican for … yep, you guessed it, CAT!

 

So, now I notice they have a comedy club called; The Funny Bone. I am sure they have some awesome and talented comedians perform there and they are even a franchise chain across the country. But here’s the thing, the funny bone is not funny when it gets hit. That’s all I am saying.

 

have a laugh today