beaver butt vanilla ice cream?

So, I was watching David Letterman last night because Jamie Oliver was on. I adore him…in a innocent non-stalking kind of way. He is very much to the point, has an interest in making the world a better place AND he is a darn good chef.

He was talking about why knowing about the food you eat is important..and then he dropped the bomb….Food additives in vanilla ice cream… So what? We all know we eat additives, right? Why research them? The FDA approved them, right?

Well..the next few words caused me to pause mid chew. Yes. Mid chew.

“Did you know that there are beaver’s anal glands in vanilla ice cream?” Jamie asked with a smirk. A very smirky smirk.

I thought it was a joke. Turns out? It’s not. Apparently someone decided that beaver anal glands enhanced sweets, including vanilla ice cream and many raspberry products. The substance can be found on your ice cream as castoreum; if it is in a small enough amount it does not have to be listed.

Have a little Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla, folks……

Beaver’s butt might be bad enough but you regularly, happily eat other stuff that is as bad or worse. And with the sketchy disclosure and label laws you don’t have to be told.

more…

~~~~~~~

(my questions begins with …who tried beaver anal glands as a food and found it helped their food taste better? How did the FDA think it was okay to use this product without regulating a rule that it should be listed on the ingredients? And… what about the chocolate ice cream? (do I really want to know?))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a beaver’s anal gland. It is the source of Beaver Butt Juice, officially called Castoreum, used in foods, cigarettes, perfumes, chewing gum.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beaver Butt Juice is officially called Castoreum. Look for it under “Natural Flavor” in your favorite food that the FDA (21 CFR 182.50) places “No Restrictions” on since it is GRAS.  See if you recognize these sources:

  • Alcoholic & Non-Alcoholic beverages (doesn’t that cover most all beverages?);
  • Baked goods (Baked “bads”?);
  • Chewing gum (makes the flavor last longer?);
  • Frozen Dairy (the 32nd Flavor?);
  • Gelatin (there’s always room for Beaver Butt Juice dessert);
  • Puddings (smooth & creamy Beaver Butt Juice)
  • Gravies (to be ladled over your Beaver Butt Biscuits –see “Baked Goods”)
  • Meat Products (heaven only knows what THIS category includes!)
  • Hard Candies (trick or treat takes on a whole new meaning!)
  • Soft Candies (how sweet it is!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what else are they putting in our food?

Advertisements

kids say the darndest thing

I took little sunshine fishing at th unit. We were fishing for large mouth bass (black bass) I walked to the truck to get a cigar and instructed her to watch the fishing poles. When I began walking back from the truck I saw her reeling in a fish. The big pole and the fighting fish was a challenge for her but she prevailed and dragged an eight pound bass on shore.

Needless to say she was pround, she had caught the biggest fish of the day and probably for years to come. When we got home she ran in the house and exclaimed, “I caught a big ‘wide’ mouth bass.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was two little boys who were to be in a wedding. Ring bearer and lower child. They were all dressed up and played their parts perfectly. When the wedding was over, they talked about how much fun they had and hoped they could do this many more times.

“How many times can you get married?” One boy asked.

“That’s easy… the preacher said… ‘4’ better or worse, ‘4’richer or pourer,… at least that many times.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have a humorous day

life savers

First off, I apologize for neglecting this blog; Fishing for chuckles. I have been very busy with family and work and to be totally honest (fishing season = already cleaned 93 fish this year = hence the word cleaned… not kept/ most were friends and family)

But, I owe a lot to those who saved my brother from his heart attack and car accident combination. He could be dead if it were not for those who saved his life. The person who called the wreck in, the one who responded, the officers and the wrecker driver. The EMT’s, the life flight helicopter, the doctors who put him back together and the nurses who cared for him. (this list does not do justice for those who brought him back to life)

They are life savers… the flavor of savior … bows humble (~_~)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste)
Of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red………………….Cherry
Yellow………………Lemon
Green………………..Lime
Orange……………Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
‘Oh my God!! They’re assholes!’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming “lifesaver! lifesaver!”

The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks “cherry or grape?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Really Good DeedThis guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He’s checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.

Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you’re in.”

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Well, there was this one time when I was drivin’ down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that’s what they were doing. There were about 50 of ’em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader’s chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You’re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'”

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, “Really? Wow, when did all this happen?”

“Er.. about two minutes ago.”

 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
have a humorous day
 

wooden floors

I was putting in a wooden floor in a friend of mines house this last weekend. We did the whole living room and then took a break, to finish the rest the next day. I took my lil girl with me the next day and we walked into the house. She noticed right away that the carpet was gone. I told her I put the wood in the floor. She looked puzzled. She looked at the door then at the floor and then at me.

“How did you get the wood through the door?” She asked. She thought it was all one piece. She didn’t realize the wooden floor was put in one board at a time, she thought we some how carried the whole floor into the house and layed it down.

I did not know I had the ability to invent words… when I hit my finger with the hammer!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How did Pinocchio find out that he was made of wood?

A: His hand caught on fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why are husbands like hard wood flooring?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man in a bar, after several drinks, began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only. The patrons of the bar decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several
pieces of wood.
First they tried maple. He smelled it and said, “That’s maple.”

They then tried ebony; he again smelled it and named the wood correctly.
He did this with ever piece of wood they brought before him.
The bartender then got an idea to trick him. And they took one of the waitresses and put her crotch up to his nose.

He sniffed for a while. “Boy,” he said “this is difficult, flip that board over and let me smell the other side.”
So they took they waitress and put her ass near his nose.
He took a big whiff, started to smile and said, “You guys can’t fool me! That is the shit house door from a tuna boat!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have a good day

cute as a button

 

Cute as a button? I for one have a hard time seeing a button as cute. Unless they are talking about pins? You know the button’s with cute sayings. Like “Kiss me I’m Irish!”

Lke these…

 

Now cute as a puppy, Iget. Perhaps cute as  belly button! But, cute as  button… I think this phrase came from a simpler time and carried into our generations. I heard this the other day and got to thinking about it. So, I wonder if that is why snaps were invented. Or, velcro… maybe even latches. It is hard to imagine some one saying, “That is as cute as velcro.” Hummm, maybe!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Mikey is taking a shower with his mother and says, “Mom, what are those things on your chest?” Unsure of how to reply, she tells Little Mikey to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Mikey didn’t forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, said, “Why? Mikey, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Mikey thinks that’s really neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Little Mikey’s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Mikey runs out of the house crying hysterically, “Daddy! Daddy! Mommy’s dying!”

His father says, “Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy’s dying?”

“Uncle Bob is blowing up Mommy’s balloons and she’s screaming, ‘Oh God, I’m coming’.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have a humorous day

2,011 fish

Well, it looks as though we made it through another year. 2011 was a good year for fishing, we (my wife and I… she is the fishing master) counted over 200 by June and stopped counting. There were many days that I came home and she had filled the ice chest with fish that day while I was at work. Or (I go to bed early and wake up at 4 am so she will turn the lights on and fish at night) and that morning there will be fish to clean before I go to work.

The river is just behind the house and I always invite Friends and co-workers to come over and fish. I recall a couple of funny events from last year…

Officer Rouse and a couple others came over one day and while we were fishing Ms. Rouse (my lil girl calls her Ms. Bling Bling, cause; she was given jewelry by her and she wears a fair amount of bling) any way, Ms. Rouse (Ms. Bling Bling) was having a hard time, she was getting her line stuck/ snagged on under-water logs several times.

She told me she was hung again and I took her pole and began to pull. The line went to the right, then to the left. I handed her the pole back and told her she was not stuck, she had a big fish on the line. She fought with the reel and got the fish in eventually, enough that I got a net under it and brought it in.

Here is the picture of me holding her fish and Officer Rouse (Ms. Bling Bling) who caught the fish and sent me this picture she got off her phone. This was a good day of fishing with Friends. I know we didn’t catch 2,011 fish but I bet we had more than that in smiles.

I was fishing at the prison with a good Friend, Mr. Little, on the ten acre pond. I had caught a nice size Bass and it had gotten hung up in the weeds. I didn’t pull and break the line, instead, I handed the pole to Jerry and went into the water after it. I got about knee deep when the local pond gator came over out of curiosity (a 12 foot alligator that came from the river, probably to lay her eggs). Mr. Little (Jerry) told me the gator was about thirty feet out.

I replied, “I’ll fight that gator for this fish,” cause by now I could see the fish and it was big. I went out about waist deep and the gator went under water. I was nervous but determined. I retrieved the bass and raised it up. It was an eight pound large mouth bass. Probably the biggest I have ever caught, a nice fish for 2011. Later the gator came and taste tested Jerry’s bobber but spit it out.

These are some good memories of fishing 2011, along with a 4 pound crappie I caught on the same pond with Sgt. Dudley at another time. I hope 2012 will be just as glamorous and prosperous as I will continue to fish and I will also be… fishin’ for chuckles.

Looking forward to fishing 2012.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year-old had been staring at th e plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”

“Good morning,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

“What is this?” Alex asked.

“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex’s voice was trembling and barely audible when he asked, “Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a man who one day didnt feel like going to church so he decided to go hunting instead.

He was out in the bush when he was aproched from behind by a bear. He dropped his gun by accident but didnt bother to pick it up.

He ran for his life. Weaving in and out the trees with the bear on his trail. Curving around a tree he triped over its root.

He looked up and the bear looked down. The bear was about to strike at him. He put his hands together and prayed:

“Dear lord, Please let this bear be a christian.”

the bear sat down on its bum and held the mans hands, closed his eyes and said: “Dear lord, Thankyou for the food that i am about to recieve”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

happy 2012

 

The metal karate belt

On the way to the store yesterday, the kids start asking about how old they have to be to date. They are eight and eleven. My wife tells the boy (her son- my step son) he can date at sixteen, when he can drive. She tells my little girl, that she can start dating when she is 30.

Of course my lil girl barks, “That ain’t fair.” My wife tells her she may reconsider if she got a Chastity belt. Of course my lil girls asks, “What is a chastity belt?”

I reply, “It is like a karate belt only made of metal.” She is quiet for a few moments then speaks up.

“What kind of karate do I have to do to earn a metal belt?” My wife and I laughed for awhile over that one. Once we get to the store and we are nearly done shopping, my wife tells me to go to the check out line, that she will meet us there. She needed to go and “pick up some plugs” (female hygiene product).

My lil girl asks, “Why does mommy need some bugs?” I laughed and told her she said, “Plugs!”

“Well. Why does she need plugs?” She asked. I told her they were like my ear plugs I use at work. She was content for a few minutes and then started asking more questions. That was when I said, “Oh, look… Christmas movies on sale.” It worked. I realized that her inquisitive little mind is working over time at her age.

and for my age… if you wear a Chastity belt and have to go to the bathroom? What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend – “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade.”
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight’s best friend.
He yelss – “Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

King Arthur was in Merlin’s work shop where Merlin was showing off his latest invention to King Arthur. It was a chastity belt except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it generally useless.

“This is no good Merlin,” King Arthur stated. “Look at this large hole in the front. This will not protect my Queen while I am gone on a long quest.”

“Ah sire, but your lady will need to relieve herself while you are gone for long periods of time so I have made it where she can do so and watch this…” Merlin took an old and discarded wand from a table and placed it in the hole in the front of the chastity belt and a small guillotine blade came down and chopped the wand in half.

“This is perfect,” said Arthur and after placing Guenevere in the belt he then kissed her and went on a rather long quest, feeling his lady would be safe from loosing her honor.

A year later, King Arthur returned from his long quest to Camelot. He called for all his knights to assemble and had them disrobe to check their short swords. All the knights were either amputated or disfigured in some way except for Sir Galahad.

“Sir Galahad, you are my one true knight. Only you of all the noble knights have been true to your king and Queen. I shall grant you any wish. Just tell me what you wish and I shall see it fulfilled.”

With this, King Arthur soon learned that Sir Galahad had no tongue in which to speak with.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have a safe day