cb radio

In case some of you don’t know, CB stands for citizen band. The channels/ radio frequency that are allowed by the government for citizens to use. While other frequencys are for other uses… (don’t ask/ top secret) but we use to have hours of fun with the CB radio as kids and when I was a truck driver well it is a must as a driver for imformation as well as a pass time while driving.

When I was a kid I had the CB handle (name) “Squirrel.”  We would play on the radio in my father’s car. I am sure he enjoyed this as much as we did just to have us out of the house. Then when I was older, truck driving, I went by the CB name “Grasshopper” as in the movie series, ‘Kung Fu.’

I remember when I was driving, being snowed in at a TA truck stop in Dayton Ohio. I couldn’t get my rig to move because the ice had built up on the pavement, frozen solid, one big parking lot of ice. I got on the CB to kill time and wait till it thawed and I could get moving again. One old timer laughed and told me it will be spring time before it thaws. I asked how in the hell am I gonna get this truck moving?

The guy called out on the CB radio PP911. i had no idea what this was. All of a sudden two, three, ten truckers show up and they start peeing on the drive tires to melt the ice. When the ice was melted they hollared get going. I was able to get enough traction to move the big rig out of the parking lot. I hollared on the radio, “Thanks much Amigos, keep it between the ditches and don’t pick up any bad… Bit*#es. The CB radio is a valuble tool when out on the road.

allow me to say this: give truckers a break, ever tried to drive the titanic down a two lane highway? Every thing you buy at the store was hauled by a truck at one time or another, think about that.

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A young kid starting his first job as a waiter in a diner has a big trucker come in and sit down at the counter and order, The trucker says “Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights.” Bewildered the kid goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, “I think this guy’s in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!” The cook says, “He wants 3 Flapjacks and 2 eggs sunny-side up.” The waiter then takes a bowl of beans to the driver. He looks at it and growls, “What’s this? I didn’t order this!” The kid tells him, “The cook says that while you’re waiting for your parts you might as well gas up while your waiting!”
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An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in. As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter. The second biker picked up the old man’s milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man’s plate before joining the others at the counter.

Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, “Not much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!

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A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads Low Bridge Ahead.

Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, “Looks like you got stuck, huh?”

The trucker replies sarcastically, No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of fuel!

a Bill Engval joke…
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have a truckin good time

 

John Wayne

John Wayne

Born: 1907  ……Died: 1979

My step father use to do John Wayne impressions. He was really good at this, mainly due to the fact he looked and walked like the movie star already. I remember the one line he always use to say, in his John Wayne voice…

“Gotta go down to the corral and wrestle me a grizzly and kiss me a pretty girl. I hope I don’t get them mixed up this time.” As kids we would laugh loudly and encourage him to do more.

My wife and I watched Mclintock the other day and we laughed at the part where John Wayne chased his wife all over town to spank her into submission. He catches her and draws a hand back to spank her and some one grabs his hand to stop him… only to place a scoop in his hand to paddle her with.

well, look what I found… this is the funny part (grin)

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John Wayne Toilet Paper

  An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.
“White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper,” says the Indian. “How much is it?”
“$1.00 a roll,” the clerk replies.
“That seems pretty expensive,” responds the Indian. “What about the others?”
“Charmin is $2.00 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll.”
The Indian doesn’t have much money so he opts for the no name.
Within a few hours he is back at the trading post. “I have a name for the no name toilet paper,” he announces to the clerk. “We shall call it John Wayne.”
“Why?” asks the confused clerk.
“Cause it’s rough and it’s tough and it don’t take no crap off an Indian.”

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I found these ‘John Wayne’ quotes

If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

***

I stick to simple themes. Love. Hate. No nuances. I stay away from psychoanalyst’s couch scenes. Couches are good for one thing.

***

I’ve always followed my father’s advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble.

***

Life is tough, but it’s tougher when you’re stupid.

***

I never trust a man that doesn’t drink.

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“I’m John Wayne at the first thanksgiving, PILGRAMS! happy thanksgiving, PILGRAMS!”

 (The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance – Reportedly he used the expression “Pilgrim”, as in “tenderfoot” or “dude” or “amateur”, 23 times in that film. It became a catchphrase for impressionists such as John Byner, and Rich Little)

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Mrs. John Wayne Bobbit was driving along when she threw her husbands dink out the window. Two guys were driving behind her when it suddenly landed on their windshield. One guy says to the other “Did you see that misquito.” and the other guy says “Misquito nothing, did you see the size of his DINK.”

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….a man has got to have a code, a creed to live by….

have a memorable day

 

a good ‘Hare’ day

 

 

I remember when I was a kid going to Amarillo Texas for christmas to visit with my grand parents. They lived way out in the country and we would run around the back 4o for a lack of anything better to do. We would spook up a rabbit and chase it. The funny thing was these rabbits only ran a little ways and then would stop. It was like they knew we couldn’t catch them. We would run till we couldn’t run any longer and the rabbits would simply watch us walk back to grandma’s tired.

My son raised a rabbit, his name was thumper because he would thump the ground, strangest thing. I think all rabbits do this like deer and horses paw the earth. I suppose my funniest and favorite recolection of rabbits come from the film, Bambi. Where thumper gets twitterpated. I still get twitterpated (grinin’)

Does any one out there remember ‘Hairy’ the six foot invisible rabbit? I still remember watching that when I was a kid. With Jimmy Stewart and his unique comedian way of acting, the funny thing is that wasn’t acting that was how he was in real life. And what was that christmas movie he was in?

… It’s a wonderful life!

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A married couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman’s biggest fear was there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and true to his word, he made contact with his wife.

“Mary…Mary….”

“Is that you Fred?”

“Yes, I have come back like we agreed.”

“What is it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex, I bask in the sun, then I have sex-twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. Supper, then sex till late at night. Sleep then start all over again.”

“Oh, Fred, you surely must be in heaven!”

“No, Mary, I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”

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One day a lady went into a fishing shop to buy her husband a fishing pole for his birthday.

She picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. The sales man says, “I am blind but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight.”

So the lady gives him the pole and he says, “That pole is worth $45.” She was amazed at how cheap that was.

So then she picked up another really nice pole, hands it to the man and he says, “This pole is worth $55.” she decided that was also really cheap.

And then she picks the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man and he says, “This pole is our best and it is $70.” she told him that she would take it.

As she was getting the fishing pole all rung up, she had to fart really really badly. She decided since the man was blind that it really wouldn’t matter if she farted in front of him so she just let it loose.

All of a sudden the man says, “It all comes up to $80.”

Confused the lady says to him, “But you said the fishing pole was only $70.”

He said, “It is. Its $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call.”

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I don’t think this was the 60’s … maybe the 70’s

now that’s one big bunny… and this is one scarey hare

………………………..now this easter bunny looks scarey……………..

……………………………………..well, I love tigers so I really liked this one

have a hare-raising day

 

Hong Kong Phooey

I watched Hong Kong Phooey growing up. I was boxing and studying Akido before I was 9, on the air force base in Panama. So I grew up partial to martial arts. I even became partial to asian martial art films when I was growing up and I would actually turn the volume down and make up words as the movie went along. It was easier to endure than watching their mouths move differently than the dialect. Which has become a comedians favorite criticism.

I was suprised the other day when my daughter came home from school and changed the channel (her T.V. time, till 6:00 pm then it is family T.V. time, which usually means ‘Two and a half men.’) but there it was, Hong Kong Phooey still aired, After all these years it is still on television, I think it won’t be long and it will be a movie. Hey, they’ve made a movie about nearly everything else.

So while I was researching this for this post I find out that Eddie Murohy is going to be/ or is the new voice for Hong Kong Phooey, so, is there a movie coming? …. this is what I found… Here!

@ Spill.com

Any goodwill that Eddie Murphy may engender with his return to adult humor in the upcoming comedy ‘Tower Heist’ may very well soon be flushed away with the actor’s return to voice acting in the *shudder* live-action/CG hybrid ‘Hong Kong Phooey’. That’s right, the ‘Shrek’ and ‘Mulan’star has signed on to Alcon Entertainment’s adaptation of the short-lived Hanna Barbera cartoon series about a lowly janitor dog who becomes a kung fu-fighting hero. 

While the original cartoon only lasted a single 16-episode season, the character has remained a persistent fixture in pop culture in the years since. The cartoon centered around mild-mannered Penrod “Penry” Pooch – a lowly janitor at the local police department under the strict eye of Sargeant “Sarge” Flint. When danger called, Penry would leap into a nearby filing cabinet and transform into Hong Kong Phooey, the not-at-all-racist (and extremely accident-prone) crimefighter. Originally voiced by vocal talent extraordinaire Scatman Crothers (aka Jazz the Autobot in the original Transformers cartoon), in this new version Murphy will supply the voice for a regular, ordinary dog who accidentally stumbles into a secret ceremony and is granted mystical powers, including the ability to walk, talk and do kung fu. Under the guidance of his master, Penry dons a costume and fights crime alongside his cat sidekick, Spot.

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the Pecker Inspector

 

 

Woody Woodrow
the Pecker Inspector
knows all there is to know
about peckers.
With his magnifying glass
bent over
with a pouched out ass.
Inspecting
the hard stiff wood
with his pointer
poking at the tiny hole.
Then demanding
another load.

Some say Woody
has a thing for peckers.
Been pecked himself
I suppose.
But to the head he leans and stares.
Gives the stiff wood
a glare.
Then his hands raised in the air.
“Hold the load”
he shouted “There.”
Pointed his finger at a hole.
Seeping, slimey, sappy, goo!
Drip down the hard wood.

A bunch of pecker heads
gathered round.
While Woody Woodrow
leaned way down,
inspecting.
Then he came
up in a gush.
“This pussy willow’s
been pecked by peckers.”
He reached in his coat
and pulled out a stamp
of black and yellow checkered

Woody ‘stamped’
the wood condemned
Then pushed his way through
the small crowd of workmen.
“Back to inspecting again?”
Woody had a rather big grin.
Walking towards a pile
of Double Decker’s
Woody Woodrow
the wood pecker
inspector.

 

by Art~

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Back when my mother had her first heart surgery, I went to stay with her for a few weeks, till she got healed. The neighbors house, down the road, was more a weekend house and it was winter/fall so nobody rarely came out. My mother was ordered to take little walks to heal and she saw a bunch of holes in the neighbors house and called the law, thinking ‘weekenders’ (city folk/ their mischivious as a coon on a full moon) had come and shot holes in this house.

 That’s usually what city folk do, come to the country, to shoot their fire-arms and they tend to have an itchy finger. Well, the sheriff shows up and laughs, it turns out that this wooden house had been attacked by a family of woodpeckers. This wooden house was riddled with holes. Wood peckers… they are as mischievious as them darn weekenders.

My step-father (god rest his soul) called them weekenders; tin canners/ cause they would come up on weekends with cases and cases of beer and sodas and just toss them where ever they wanted. On mondays when you went down river, you could pick up several dollars worth of aluminum cans left by the tin-canners (weekenders/ city folk) Trashy folk them weekenders, they make trailer park trash look like hollywood.

Most folk that live on the river only go out on week days when the river is calm, quiet and secluded. The weekend usually has a lot of city folk up for a weekend in the wild, driving like crazy in speed boats that go back and forth as fast as deer running across the road. It would be hard to enjoy the country scene driving by at lightening speeds. Sort of like driving through the mountains, looking out the window. A long walk in the woods is the best way to absorb nature; that’s my opinion of course.

Gotta go, some one is knocking on the door; aww it’s just a woodpecker (grinin’)

 

have a ‘tall-timber’ day